Entry from a sinner's diary

A little something I wrote for the church megazine. Heh. The mag is not out yet, so the copyright still mine right. hahaha. Actually I cannot tahan la, just wanna put it up here. Enjoy!

Entry from a sinner's diary

I’d heard that He was in town. Everyone was talking about it. He’d even been invited to Simon’s for dinner! Simon’s! Imagine that! People from every corner of the earth seemed to be spilling on the town streets, dressed in every color conceivable to mankind – women with outrageous hats, women without hair to wear outrageous hats, men with their double breasted suits, men without slippers, children with parents and children without – all were out to catch a glimpse of Him. Some of them spoke of His arrival with joyous celebration, others with suspicious whispers. As I trudged the streets home after another hard day, I realized for once that no one was staring at me. For once, no one was looking at me with hatred, someone else occupied their thoughts. Grateful, I hurried home.

But He was in town! How could I go home? I really wanted to see Him. Hearing all the stories about Him made me excited. There was something about this person, and it was as if there was a magnet, slowly, but surely, drawing me to Him. I wanted to go to Simon’s, even if I had to face the unforgiving eyes of all who were there. But what would He think of me? After all, someone would have told Him about the worst sinner in town. If they hadn’t told Him about me, they would, surely, the minute they saw me.

I deserved the treatment I got from them. It was justice. After all, I was a bad person and I had done things. Unspeakable things. Things I wish I hadn’t done, because there was nothing I could do to correct them. I was a sinner. I was bad. I knew it, and everyone else knew it.

But still, I wanted to meet Him. Why? Why?! I yelled in my head. It’d be the same. He’d find out bout what I did, who I was, truly, deep down inside. He’d know, he’d know for sure. Still, there was something about this man. Perhaps, if I brought a gift, I thought. Not just any gift, but the most expensive thing that I had. He deserved the most, the best that I could give. I’d go early, and leave early, before the crowds arrived.

So I went, early, with my gift, a large jar of the most expensive perfume, my most prized possession. With every step to Simon’s house I struggled with my thoughts. It wasn’t just stupid to face the whole town to see this man, it was insane! Still, I had to see Him. He was pulling me towards Him, and I realized at that moment that I not only wanted to see Him. For some reason, I needed to.

I arrived at Simon’s house. Already there were more people that Simon’s house could contain. And they stared. What is she doing here? I could here them whisper. He wouldn’t want to see her! Tell her to get lost!

No. No, I whispered to myself. You’ve come this far. Just keep walking. You will get in. You will see Him. You will meet Him.

And there He was. He was just a few feet away, reclining at the table, His back toward me. Every cell in my body told me to run. But there it was again. The unexplainable pull. And as I got nearer, I was overcome with emotion. There was something about this man that I just couldn’t put my finger on.

Then, I was right behind Him, and I couldn’t hold all the emotions in anymore. For the first time after a long, long while, I wept. I wept till his feet was washed with my tears, and I knelt down beside Him. I dried His feet with my hair, and anointed them with the perfume that I had brought.

In the midst of all I was doing, I was suddenly aware of His hand on my shoulder. My heart stopped. I was afraid. How could I, a sinner, come up to this man, and do what I just did? It was unthinkable! I didn’t have to look at the faces of the people round me to know what they were thinking. Oh… what did I just do?

Then the most unexpected happened. He lifted my face to look into His. And as He looked right into me with the most caring pair of eyes, He said the most loving, most wonderful thing that I could ever have hoped to hear. He said to me “My daughter, I forgive you. Go home in peace, for your faith has saved you”.

In that instant, I knew exactly what was so different about this man. I knew, without a doubt in my heart, what drew me towards Him. He offered me something that I didn’t deserve, and he offered it without condition.

He offered me grace.

An adaptation of Luke 7 v 36-50