2007

It's been a great year.

God's been good.

It'll be even better next year.

Coz God IS good.

I'm holdin' on to His promises...

Have a great year ahead.

The Camp

Finally. I have time to breathe. Here's what I've been up to lately...

INFUSE CAMP '07 SATURATED

Beautiful place....coz it was like Adelaide coolness in the middle of autumn, minus the wind. Purrrfeccctttt.

Nice envelopes for us to put in encouraging notes for each other at the beginning of the camp.

Erm... Nice envelopes at the end of camp. Everyone is a kokoi. Except Joy. She became Joy Chow, then she became Gay Chow.

Sigh...Joy and I look like jakuns.

Miciahhhh. My group mates. President of the Kokoi Club in the first row, on the left.

Pastor super strong. Can throw every guy over his shoulders. And spin them a few times while they're up there.

But no one can carry him. Not even two people. Heh. INFUSE guys scrawny lahhhhh.

Sharon the movie star. Lilian the fan. Tiffay paparazzi. Joy Sharon's assistant who badly wants to be in the picture too.... :P

Fern.... Go to her blog for more camp pictures.

Infuse Chirstmas and Carolling pictures and some mangkuk videos up soon....

It's not about me.

So... It's been almost a month. Lalalalalalalalalalallalala.

Ok. First of all.... go and check this out --> www.simplyblatant.com. Awesome shirts. Awesome designs. Awesome people designing them shirts. Buy Buy Buy! Where esle can you find shirts with Turkey Santa?! heheh

NO 2. I know it's a bit late telling this coz I got the news bout a month back, but my blood test results are finally normal. "Excellent", according to my doctor.

Third. For those who are in Ipoh on the 21st of Dec, come join us for an amazing INFUSE Christmas Celebration. It's Friday, at 7.30 pm.

Fourth. It's not about me.

Job 42v1,2. Then Job replied to the Lord: "I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted."

It's not about me. It's not about us. It's about God. It's about us answering Him, it's about us saying yes to Him, it's about us being available to Him, it's about us saying Here I am, use me. It's about us being obedient to Him.

And if we're not obedient to His call, well then, He can easily raise someone else to do what He wanted to use us for. No plan of yours can be thwarted. Think you're indispensible? Then think again...

So it's simple really..... It's whether we're willing to put God in the center of our world.

Fifth. I'll be going back to Adelaide in Feb. Wanna visit me, better come soon lahhh..... :)

:) :P :) :P :) :P

Yes! I finally hit the 5000 mark! That means 5000 visitors! Or to be precise, 5004 visitors! nyek nyek. Now just gonna have to wait for another year before it reaches 10 000. Hmmm... unless I refresh the page every 10 times a day. Hehe. then maybe can reach 10 000 in 6 months instead of a year :)
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Eh.... Can you people in Adelaide hurry up and get your butts here. Coz I'm missing you guys lar..

I miss Esther Goh. I miss Esther Goh coming to my room and lying on my bed AND FALLING ASLEEP ON MY BED EVENTHOUGH HER ROOM IS JUST NEXT DOOR! I miss knocking on her door and eating up her food.

I miss Jez. I miss Jez's rediculous way of laughing at everything. I miss her funny-ness. I miss my very small size friend.

I miss James. I miss his lameness. I miss his super lamesness. Yes, I miss lames lams very much. I miss his super comfortable chair. Can I rent it next year instead of renting a room? After all, all I need is a place to sleep. Don't really need a table, I do my work on the bed anyway... Place to sleep and a toilet. That's all I need. I rent you chair yea? Please?

I miss Huey Chi. I miss going to her house..... I miss you Huey Chi!

I miss Su Ling! Nobody can talk nonsense like you lahhhhhhhh.

Haiya.. so many people I'm missing. Can't type all the names here. I miss everyone in Adelaide. I even miss Adelaide. heh. Though I love Ipoh. How now? How now? How now?
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Samson smells today. He hasnt had a bath for more than two weeks now. Stinks man.
___________________________

INFUSE INFUSE INFUSE!
inspire instill saturate empower
INFUSE Camp!
lalalalalalalalala
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I feel like I need to pangsai now. But I already pangsai in the morning. And it was very stinky.
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Zephaniah 3v17
The Lord your God is in your misdt,
The Mighty One will save,
He will rejoice over you with gladness,
He will quiet you with His love
He will rejoice over you with singing.

He will quiet me with His love. He will quiet me with his love! HE WILL QUIET ME WITH HIS LOVE!
Amazing.
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Infuse

Check this out

www.infuse.weebly.com

:)

Heh

Oy. What you doing reading my blog.

GO STUDY LAHHHHH.

Hahahahahahahahahahaha

Wait.

I asked God for a rainbow the other day. Coz it was raining and i was feeling terrible. And I spent the whole day straining my neck in weird angles to look for a rainbow. And no rainbow!

I asked why. Why don't you wanna give me a rainbow? Rainbow only wat! Just seven colors across the sky! Don't even have to be a full rainbow! Like i don't need to see where the rainbow ends lah you know?

And I felt Him say Because I long to give you something better. Something better than a rainbow, something just for you, especially for you. But you must wait.

*God, if I wait long enough can I have a double rainbow? like the ones I use to see in Adelaide? Please? Pleassseeeeee? Pretty Pretty Please?*

You...

You

You make me want to dance,

You make me want to sing.

You make me want to laugh,

You make me want to smile.

You make me want to stare, to gasp for air,

You make me mad and keep me sane.

You make me want to love,

You make me want to live,

You make me want to be lovely for you, as lovely as I find you.

Yet I cry

Because you don't know how you make me feel

So I pray

That one day you will

And one day

You too will feel

And when you do

It will be real

Doggy updates

Samson is one pampered dog. A very pampered dog.

People call and say they're dropping by my place. To see my dog.

He's been called darling, he's been called dear and the latest - baby.

"Baby, do you want some milk?"
"Baby, you havent poo poo lah today."
"Baby, why are you under the chair?"
"Aiyo baby, gor gor so bad, never switch on the fan for you ah..."

He's got the most toys in the world. Even my Pooh Bear belongs to him now.

Poor Pooh Bear. Shaken and bitten, tossed and hidden.

Ahhh and he loves socks. Put on a pair of nice clean socks, and you'll have to run for you life.

Nice socks, comfy socks, now poor socks, holey socks.

Still I love him. Oh how I love him.

Coz no other welcomes me the way he does.

WooHooooooooo

WooHoooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last dose of steriods today!
No more tomato face!
Lalalalalalalalalalala
*Dances around and shakes backside*

Blown away

This year I asked for some drama. I got more than I asked for. My life has been more than dramatic this year. I should change the title of this blog to "My Much-Too-Soapy Soap Opera".

It's been a frustrating seven days. I have been emoing.

I was having a chat with someone the other day, asking him the usual questions - what he was doing... blah blah blah. Likewise, he asked me the same question. And I told him the summarised version of it.. sick, hospital, back for a break till next year.. blah blah blah. Anyway, at the end of our little chat, he asked if I've ever watched some DVD on healing by a speaker (I can't remember which speaker). And for some reason, I got angry. Annoyed. Though to the fella I was chatting too, I was the picture of cordality. Heh.

But inside I was boiling. I think it was because I felt like "Hello, it's been 17 years. I think I'm way pass the watching DVDs on healing" stage.

I went home and almost cried myself to sleep. God, it's been 17 years! I have been waiting for 17 years! Is that not long enough?? How much longer do You want me to wait?

Maybe I also felt a little jealous of others who have gotten healed. God, when is it going to be my turn? How come they get healed and I don't? You said faith the size of a mustard seed. Don't I have that? Am I resigned to the fact that I am going to have to cope with this for the rest of my life? Am I THAT disillusioned?? And if I were to be dissapointed, would it mean that I'm not happy with Your will for me?

I'm stretched enough already! I feel like a rubberband that's about to loose its elasticity. God, isn't this enough?

But along with all this, I have so many things to be thankful for. And I can see God working even in this period of time.

Which is so unfair! Because I'm upset with You, God, for not healing me and You're making it hard for me to do that. Ish.

And You make it even harder when You tell me to turn to this passage. Double ish. Ish Ish.

2 Cor 12:7-10

v7 And least I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure.

v8 Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me.

v9 And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness." Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Chirst may rest upon me.

v10 Therefore, I TAKE PLEASURE in infirmities, in reproaches, in need, in persecutions, in distress, for Christ's sake For when I am weak, then I am strong.

God, You blow my mind.

Matters of the Heart

Many have asked if I ever ask why this has happened (this being Ulcerative Colitis and all the other not so nice stuff that has happened this year). The answer is YES.

Of course I've asked why. I've repeated that word in my mind a hundred thousand times. I've questinoedI've questioned God a million times. I've cried and sobbed and gotten angry. And I have to admit that a couple of times I've almost given up. People have come up to me saying they think I'm brave, that they wouldn't have handled everything as well as I have; but I don't think I'm brave. At all. What other choice do I have? I CANNOT NOT cope with it. Because not coping with it would mean giving in, giving up, and ultimately, succumbing to the circumstances.

But why? Why? WHY?

I can ask till I'm blue in the face, but there still might not be an answer. It's frustrating, not knowing the answers. So I've decided it's high time for a little perspective modification. Change the 'WHY' to 'WHAT'. What have I learnt from this? What can I learn? What is it about this that I can share? What has God done throughout all this? What is He doing now?

What? indeed. It's amazing what a little change in perspective can do.

However, the one main question I'm asking now is 'What does God see in my heart?' It's a scary thought! Because He sees everything. The good, the bad and the ugly. Oh-uh..... Time for a slef-check.

Besides the fact that there definately will be stuff in my heart that needs correcting and changing, I believe that asking this question, accepting the answers and doing something about it is another step in His preparing me for my dream and my purpose.

So, difficult though it might be, I am ready for Dr. God to perform an open-heart surgery on me.

*What does God see in YOUR heart?*

Beware of Dog!

Beware of Ferocious Samson, guardian of the Oon family home!

Make sure you don't step on him..

Ahhh.... I'm STILL in love with that stupid dog. Looks like it's going to be a serious love affair. He's so tiny! But I think he's put on a bit of weight since I came back seven days ago. Espeacially around the tummy. Coz I feed him. He's having difficulty squeezing through the grill now. And he doesn't walk. He waddles. He waddles and shakes his backside. Waddle waddle shake shake waddle.

hhahahahhaha.

So we've decided that his full name is Samson Oon Fui Keow aka DaRugg (Fui Keow = fat dog in Hakka, DaRugg coz he looks like a rug when he lies down). I give him a scratch till he falls asleep everyday. And he snores. He's such a lazy dog, no wonder he's a fatty fatty bom bom. But I still love him anyway. He's totally stolen my heart. With doggies like Samson, who needs men (sorry guys...).

Muahahahahahaha.

I'm teaching him to kiss me now. Me and only me!

Samson

I'm in loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Samson Oon, the most beautiful, smarterestest doggy in the whole wide world.

Honestly...

Aku sudah potong rambut.

Speaking in Malay sounds weird. I like it.

Sometimes I ponder agonizingly over whether or not I should blog about something. I ask myself all kinds of questions before I put it down (otherwise waste two hours typing for nothing lahhh).

Would it be offending to anyone? Would it be too revealing? Would the post tell others a little too much about myself? Do I really want others to know that? Would it make me look weak/vulnerable/arrogant/proud/selfish/needy?

I suppose I could create any impression I want blogging. It's not that hard blogging about something funny or creating an illusion that I'm totally in control of everything. I find the difficult part is to being honest.

Honestly, being honest is not easy. Especially now. I've never really been one to pour my heart out to even the closest of friends. It's not that I don't want to, it's because I don't know how. Or maybe I don't want to seem vulnerable. Either way, it causes a word jam in my throat, I have no idea how to begin and it's exhausting. Other times, when people actually ask me how I'm doing and what's going on, I'm just to tired (or maybe lazy) to explain everything so I just give them a really pleasant smile that I practice in front of the mirror everyday and tell them that I'm good. I'm OK. Everything is OK.

But right now, everything is not bright and peachy. I am not OK. I am struggling. I am struggling with what is happening, I am struggling with how I feel about myself - physically and emotionally. I am struggling with guilt, I am struggling with fear. I am struggling with my walk with God, I am struggling with God.

Yet deep within me I know no matter how i feel and what happens, I am still a child of God. I am his daugther, and because He is King, I'm a princess. I'm HIS PRINCESS. This beautiful thought puts a genuine ear to ear smile on my face and for a moment, I can be honest with myself, and I can be honest with you.

I'm broken, I'm vulnerable, I'm scared. And in this state there is nothing I can do but to give it all to Him.

*relief* :)

In keeping with being honest ----- I cried when I got my haircut. But I'm Ok now. Honest. ;)

Hair Affair

Would you still love me if I were a bald tomato? My hair is dropping from all the medication lah. But... before I become a tomato botak (I'm not planning to have all of it drop in one day) I can decide to

1. Trim my hair (Obviously, I'd rather not be dropping any hair).
2. Cut it short and hope that I stop shedding.
3. Wear a cap/hat/bandana/scarf/tudung until everything falls off and starts looking really scraggly (Like the bad witch in cartoons where you can see her scalp in places and it looks really gross).
4. Just shave evreything off and pretend it's a fashion statement.
5. Buy all types of wigs and wear hair with different styles and colors everyday.

How?

You know why I never blog for so long?

Because
My backside pain ah. My backside pain ah. My backside pain ah. My backside pain ah. My backside pain ah. My backside pain ah. My backside pain ah. My backside pain ah. My backside pain ah. My backside pain ah. My backside pain ah. My backside pain ah. My backside pain ah. My backside pain ah. My backside pain ah. My backside pain ah. My backside pain ah. My backside pain ah. My backside pain ah. My backside pain ah. My backside pain ah. My backside pain ah. My backside pain ah. My backside pain ah. My backside pain ah. My backside pain ah. My backside pain ah. My backside pain ah. My backside pain ah. My backside pain ah. My backside pain ah. My backside pain ah. My backside pain ah. My backside pain ah. My backside pain ah. My backside pain ah. My backside pain ah. My backside pain ah. My backside pain ah. My backside pain ah. My backside pain ah. My backside pain ah. My backside pain ah.

Because my backside pain.

Bliss = Sparkling wine, chocolate and semi-emo songs before bed.

Muahahahahahahaha!

Last day of nine to five classes!

Yeah behbee

yeahhhhhhhhh

2007 Mid Year Re-Cap

There's only one way to describe the past two weeks - madness. So many things happened, so many things to write about. Funny things, stupid things, just the madness of it all. But this here is going to be a 'serious' entry. I'll post a light hearted one soon.

To be truthful, 2007, so far, has been an emotional tailspin. I have been up and down, swerving left and right, right side up, upside down. I wonder how is it that I have yet to fly off my handle and go abit cookoo. Although my mom did mention that arranging M&M's according to color in a jar before eating them is a tad bit weird.

1 kg of M&M's arranged according to color

The beginning of the year started with a flurry of activity. I was back in Aussie more than a month before class started for a Summer Scholarship, which turned out to be almost a total waste of time.

Then classes started. And I was (and still am) the only international student. It was disconcerting to be an outsider. I'm never an outsider, except for a short spell in standard four. Or three. I can't remember. I'll admit that I did have some 'almost no friend' points in my life, like when I started college and started uni, but these times never lasted more than 2 weeks before I found my niche of buddies.

But this year, it was difficult. I couldn't even seem to say anything to anyone. It was morifying at times. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't relate to any of them. It wasn't that I didn't want to. I just couldn't. And it was hard.

So I threw myself into my studies. Pretty soon the excitement of doing an honours research project die out - how long can it last lah... the amount of energy taken to read all those monkey backside journals can send people to the moon already lah..

But time passed. Slowly and painfully. But it did pass. And suddenly, I was hit with revelation upon revelation of God's purpose for me. I knew it was from God, and it was amazing. And in all truthfulness, I have never felt this close to God. Not for a long long time.

Even as this happened, however, there were more questions than answers. When? When God, is it going to happen? How? How is it going to happen? I wanted answers, and I wanted them NOW. How long do I have to wait? I'm ready. Make it happen. Now.

But the answer was No. Not now, not yet. You're not ready. We've still got lots of work to do before you're ready. And after some struggling, I had to agree. I'm still wrestling with things that I know I have to work on. And right now, at this very moment, I'm tired.

I'm tired of the lessons that I have to learn. I want a break, and I just want to crawl under my covers and sleep till the moon turns blue. Because under the covers, sleep is certain. I hate uncertainty.

I've almost never been uncertain of the steps that I've taken in life. I have my plans for the year, my five year plan, heck, I've even got my long term ten year plan. But now, everything is uncertain, because I've decided to follow God's plan instead. And I don't know what's going to happen next. It's unnerving. I know there's nothing to worry about. and nothing worry can do. But I still really really dislike not knowing what my next step is.

Then mom came. And I never realised that I missed my family so much till she came. For two weeks, she made me feel like I was home. Like Adelaide was home. And then she was gone. And the implications of staying long term in Australia hit me. Hard. I barely fit in here with my Aussie classmates, though it's getting better. 99% of my friends are Malaysian students who WILL eventually pack up and go home. Do I really want to stay? Can I really create a new life here? I shudder at the thought of going home to Malaysia only once a year. But yet, I know that my time in Adelaide is not up.

I have also come to realise that I am not ready to have a partner. It sounds cliche, but it's true. Because truthfully, i'd prefer it if I had my very own someone. But I still have too many things about myself that I need to sort out. And this sucks.

However, in the misdt of this all, I have grown much closer to God. Learning, listening, leaning on Him. Struggling most of the time. I have never cried this much before. I've always prided myslef to be strong. No wearing of hearts on my sleeve! The one who is able to do anything, no matter how hard. Not anymore. I need His help.

And help me He has. In many ways. And I know that He's never going thrust upon me anything more than I can handle. And I am glad. Because when God says I can take it, that means I CAN take it.

So, it's been six months of blood sweat and tears, mixed with peace, joy and laughter. I'm on a roller coaster, and God is my seatbelt. When the 2007 ride ends, I'll be glad to bungee jump to my next chapter in life. With God as the bungee rope, of course.