Many have asked if I ever ask why this has happened (this being Ulcerative Colitis and all the other not so nice stuff that has happened this year). The answer is YES.
Of course I've asked why. I've repeated that word in my mind a hundred thousand times. I've questinoedI've questioned God a million times. I've cried and sobbed and gotten angry. And I have to admit that a couple of times I've almost given up. People have come up to me saying they think I'm brave, that they wouldn't have handled everything as well as I have; but I don't think I'm brave. At all. What other choice do I have? I CANNOT NOT cope with it. Because not coping with it would mean giving in, giving up, and ultimately, succumbing to the circumstances.
But why? Why? WHY?
I can ask till I'm blue in the face, but there still might not be an answer. It's frustrating, not knowing the answers. So I've decided it's high time for a little perspective modification. Change the 'WHY' to 'WHAT'. What have I learnt from this? What can I learn? What is it about this that I can share? What has God done throughout all this? What is He doing now?
What? indeed. It's amazing what a little change in perspective can do.
However, the one main question I'm asking now is 'What does God see in my heart?' It's a scary thought! Because He sees everything. The good, the bad and the ugly. Oh-uh..... Time for a slef-check.
Besides the fact that there definately will be stuff in my heart that needs correcting and changing, I believe that asking this question, accepting the answers and doing something about it is another step in His preparing me for my dream and my purpose.
So, difficult though it might be, I am ready for Dr. God to perform an open-heart surgery on me.
*What does God see in YOUR heart?*
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
Hey, *hugs
Hope to see you well
Right behind you.
Will rejoice together with you when this season is over.
*Hugs*
Neighbour.
I'm behind the person behind you.
might not see me, but will be supporting you =)
*punch shoulder*
Mr. Lam
Just found your blog and while I was glancing through your post, got attracted to this post immediately.. haha..
Erm, to be honest, I don't really know how to really answer that question "What does God see in your heart?"
Cause maybe its because I am spending less time with Him daily? Or maybe because that I do not seek Him in things that are important to myself?
A nice post.. Guess its time for me to really did a self-check on my spiritual life!
See you again next week in INFUSE! =)
P.S: no tagboard? haha..
Post a Comment