75.

The Wedding. Is. 75. Days. Away. And Samson farted in my face. A silent killer fart. When he was sleeping.

Days are moving pretty fast. Resignation has been tendered in. And I seem to have lost the ability to fully process my thoughts. These days find me falling short of pretty much everything. I’ve known for a long time now that I don’t know everything. Admitting this is not difficult. It’s the learning and navigating through the ‘don’t knows’ that’s difficult.

We seem to be a generation that has lost the ability to admit our wrongs. We point fingers when things go wrong. We toot at the mistakes people make and criticize those who don’t live up to our seemingly excellent standard.

Most of the time we refuse to learn, pushing tasks we need done to others, while we lose our tempers and give killer stares to those who can’t fulfill our requests.

We have lost the capacity of being meek.

Maybe we’ve lost this capacity because being meek in this dog eat dog world will probably cause us to become dog meat. Maybe we’ve lost it because we’ve never in our life seen someone being meek.

We have been taught to be forceful if we want our way. Force your way into that car lane, they sure won’t let you in if you don’t. Who cares how she’ll feel, as long as she buys what I’m selling. It’s her fault if she doesn’t know how to say no. Strong people get what they want.

You can only succeed if you play the game. Wanna get to the top? Step on some toes girl, who cares who those stilettos of yours injure. Forget being nice. Nice guys finish last, remember?

Meekness equals weakness.

Contrary to be meek and weep, the word of God says “Blessed are the meek for they will inherit the earth”.

Being meek is a sign of strength. Being meek means turning the other cheek when we are wronged. No, it doesn’t mean we let bad people carry on with wrong doings. It just means knowing when to keep quiet and when to speak up. It means caring about how people feel. It means loving those who are bent on hurting you. It means loving the unlovable.

It doesn’t mean we let others step all over us. Being meek doesn’t mean we sit at the back and slide down the chair because we don’t feel good enough. Being meek is not being inferior.

It is knowing that my God is Big. It is knowing we are where we are because of Him. It is knowing we are His children because of what He has done. Being meek is the realization that without Him we are nothing, but with Him, all things are possible.

Inherit the earth? Surrender first.

Ponder

With seemingly little time to do a whole bunch of things, these days leave me with little time to ponder and mull over things that are happening. Each snippet of time is precious. (Especially time to sleep!)

I counted the number of days left till D-Day - 99 days left to a whole new chapter. I am amazed at how time flies, and with camp and Christmas in December, it barely leaves us 2 months to get all the wedding preparations ready (Scream!!!). More importantly though, I find myself thinking bout some of the things I need and can learn in three monhts. Already I've learnt so much in the past three months. I've learnt more about myself, I've learnt more about Matt. Heh. More and more to learn each day.

Still, I guess the best teacher is the one above. And I try, strive daily to be the wife from Proverbs 31. And fall short of it. Hahahah. Nevermind...I'll get better each day :D

With so many things to do and work taking up 12 hours of my day, seems like the days really just go by like whirlwind. Or maybe whirlpool, sucking everything to the depths (hahahh so dark!) I'm getting more and more excited bout the wedding, I'm learning to appreciate each day as it is.

Hmmm..... What's today going to bring I wonder?

Fat Sam

Samson is VERY fat and I cannot wait for Raya holidays anymore... pleaseeee give me holidayyyy. I need holidayyyy.

Psalm 91:14
Because he loves me, says the Lord, I will rescue him, I will protect him, for he acknoledges my name

:)

Checklist

Wedding Venue - Check

Dress - Check

Shoes - Check

Hair & Make up - Check

Bridesmaid dresses - Check

Wedding favors - Half check

Guest list - Check

Invitations - Half check

Reception people - Check

The Groom - Check, check, check hahahahahha

I am working on a public holiday.

I am freezing in the office.

I am blogging during lunch hour.

Maybe I shall feign a heart attack and get to go home early. Hmm. Sounds like quite a good idea, except that I'm not a very believable actress.

I need choclate. Choclate ice cream, choclate cake, chocolate chocolate chocolate.

Chocolate Bear.

Choki Choki.

Told my senior wanna stop work end of the year. Said he also wanna stop work. Hahaha. Work here blood pressure become zero. Coz all the veins also burst. Very good. No more people in HR. No human resource in the Human Resource Department. How ironic.

Insanity. Shop Shop Chicken Chop. Pork Chop. Lamb Chop. Karate Chop.

Artline Ink Refills are really smelly. So are Smelly taufu.

I need sleep. Alot. Alot. ALOT. Maybe take MC tomorrow.

Life will never be a box of chocolates. Coz I'll eat up all the chocolates. Hahahahha.

Chocolate chocolate. Hmmm Hersheyssss.

Shoes i need shoes.

My goodness, I shall never again type out the things that go through my hear. I sound like a madwoman. Maybe being madwoman not so bad. Can have mad hair without feeling the mad plunge in self esteem.

The proposal

I've got lots of things to do but I just need to get this out before anything else otherwise I can't concentrate.

Officially engaged, the moments of yesterday are still so dear to me, and I'll hold it close and treasure it for the years to come. Precious moments like these make life worthwhile.

So yesterday, after being told by my sister that there was a surprise for Matthew and I, I willingly climbed into the car with three noisy boys who took me to some mamak stall. Haha. And i was thinking what the heckkkkk.. make me dress nicely then bring me go mamak then I'll have that awful mamak shop smell. Anyway.. after half hour, they finally decided to leave and got their butts back to the car.

Then in the car, a request for me to put on a blindfold was met with a NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. After lots of coxing from the future bestman, the blindfold was finally put on, and I had a good time making noise and whacking the people in the car. And I super tried to wind down the window and yell for help. I remember somehow thinking about wanting to eat Sugus for some reason.

Upon arriving the walked me into the elevator and up, up, up we went. Till the 17th floor where Matt BLUFF me lo. Said that he was also blindfolded. Ish. Then was taken into the sky lounge - and I still had NO IDEA what was going to happen! Kau Blur la. the whole of Ipoh, KL and Adelaide also know, but I dunno - and took off the blindfold. I saw all the family and friends we love there, and my trusted brain decided not to work, and STILL the thought of proposal DIDN'T enter my head.

Then there was the big box tied up with ribbons which he asked me to cut. And purple and white helium balloons floated up with the card saying "Mindy will you mary me?" (the balloons didn't really float up.. but i was too overwhelmed to notice.. hehe) And I said "Of course I'll marry you". And then he went on his knees and proposed and put the ring on my finger. On the wrong hand... but my brain was too overwhelemed to process anything so I didn't notice either.

And I melted, felt i couldn't stand so I buried my face into his shoulder...... And melted. And I think he melted a bit too. Hahaha.

The moments mean much more to me then merely this, and after a day, it's still something that I'm unable to put into words adequate enough to describe how I feel. Need more time to process. Brain is melted from all the excitement and loveeeeeeee...

Matthew Dass, every moment I spend with you is a precious one, and I thank God everyday for you. I cherish you, and I will adore you for the rest of my life. My darling, I love you.

Thought for the day...

Sometimes we're so busy thinking that we HAVE to pray that we don't realise that we WANT to pray...

Love you.

I crave for apple pie

This post is for DebG who has very clearly stated her desire for a blog update. Hahahahah.

I am blogging at this hour because I am at home feeling rather woozy. I can feel the world spinning and colors meshing together when I stand. Like how it is when the movies show the effects of people eating magic brownies.

Whoever said wedding planning is fun is out of their minds. After practically visiting EVERY SINGLE WEDDING SHOP in Ipoh, and almost (almost only okayyy) bursting into tears, we finally found the right dress. What a relief. Heh. Too bad no pictures la, so not gonna show what its like till THE DAY lo...

Then... at work... my goodness...so many weird people come and look for jobs. And because my boss doesn't wanna waste his time talking to them coz they probably won't show up for work the next day, he very graciously sends the new girl to talk to these people, some of which who smell like they haven't showered for 10 days.

There was the rather cookoo lady who came back three times after we sent her away.

There was the Bangladeshi who couldn't stop asking bout the pay after being told 27 times.

There was the boy whose aunty filled in the job application form and answered every question I asked the boy.

There was the lady who just sat there and complained that her other boss was 'tidak adil'.

Then there are those who look like druggies and can't stop shaking.

And then there was this guy who was sniffing and wiping his nose with his hands every 15 seconds which was okay, except that he was using my pen, and at the end of the interview he took my hand and shook it. EErgh... Went back to the office and gave my hands a really good wash with lots of soap. Should have soaked my pen in detol as well. Hmmm.

Still, in the midst of it all, when waiting for one of the particulary smelly guys to fill his application form, I wondered how Jesus loved all these people when He was here on earth. How He didn't send anyone away, but embraced each person with love and compassion.

And the quiet answer was this... They're not any different from you. The way they smell, the way they speak, their lack of education doesn't make them different. You were once like them. Yes, you may have been born into a better family, you may not have lacked food or clothing. But that doesn't make you different. You were once just like them. A sinner. The only thing that sets you apart from them now is you have Me. You have found grace and mercy. You have Me living in you, and because of this, you are set free. So how can you not love them, knowing that I loved you when you were as they are?

First major lesson at the workplace.

Loving God means loving people.

Poised

Poised for greatness,
Knowing that God is in control.
I stand amazed that He's craved out the detail even in the littlest things of my life.

:D

Man... God is Good

*Dances around room like mad woman*

Nutters

This is what I have become....

I have gone nuts.

Rawr!

This is day no. 3 of sleeping real late and waking up before the sun is up for no apparent reason. How la...

Anyway, since I'm up and wide awake, RAWRRRRRRR! hahah.

Wake up all you sleepy heads.

OH MAN.....
HEH.

The Anthem

I heard a song I haven't heard for a long time today. And it stopped me dead in my tracks. For some reason hearing the song jolted me a little.

The song was Negaraku. The national anthem of Malaysia.

It's an anthem that brings back memories of primary and secondary school, where we would have to be in our lines standing still, singing the national anthem. It's a song that makes me think of my country. It's a song that speaks volumes about how my country was, and is now.

And I realise, despite what is happening in Malaysia, it is still my country. No matter what goes on in the political scene, Malaysia will always be my home. And no matter how *ahem* stupid *cough* the government may be, Malaysia, and Ipoh, particularly, will always be dear to me.

Having said that, it's sad to see how amazingly insane things have been with Malaysian politics and well... everything else that goes on here. And I find it so incredibly dumb that we're fighting and bickering over such silly things. Have we forgotten how we gained independence? How blood was shed so that all races could live together?

Negaraku, tanah tumpahnya darahku.

Perhaps it's time we remembered how this country was formed, how independence was gained. Perhaps it's time to be thankful of how lucky we are, even though some things may be unfair.

Rakyat hidup, bersatu and maju.

Perhaps it's time we stood to make a change instead of just complaining about how bad things are.
Perhaps it's time to consider the difference each one of us can make instead of jumping ship to another continent.

Malaysia. My country.
Malaysia. Negaraku.

Release...

Hahaha. So emo hor. Not to worry... now it's release..... :D

The Brink

It is when you're standing still at the brink when you see God making possible the impossibility that you face.

Holding on with the very tip of my fingers

This blog has failed to be the therapeutic release that it was when i first started. Perhaps due the readership of the blog, or perhaps it's because I don't have the time nor energy to type up long and interesting stuff. Still writing offers one of the best ways of release that doesn't involve buckets of tears or finishing up a friends' gas tank.

It's been a tough week since coming back from Cambodia (hence the lack of pictures of the trip). It amazing how a sudden turn of events can turn my insides upside down. It's unfair that it's happening. I didn't wait this long for this to happen. No Way Jose. Then again, life happens right?

Sometimes we can keep so many things inside us that when we want to speak bout it we don't even know where to start anymore. It festers and grows and eats us up but because there's just no one to talk to it remains where it is. And we just learn how to live with it.

We get so used to it that when we try to open up we can't.

Because just whispering it out to the winds might change everything we've ever known. Because saying it out loud means that we're not as strong as we think we are.

Because letting it out means admitting that we're a broken people. Because it will mean that we'll have to deal with it.

Still, in the midst of it all, letting it out means dealing with it. And dealing with it means breaking free and moving on. Moving on to the plans that God has for our lives. Moving on the greater calling of God.

And that's what I'm going to do. Move on to what He has called me to do.

I surrender all.

Broken hearts
Broken dreams
Unfulfilled desires
Shredded hopes
Nothing else to do but surrender
Because I know that you care
You laid down your life, mine, it's yours
Tell me what to do
I'll wait for you to speak to me
I'll wait

Whoaaa

I now understand how Princess Mia felt in Princess Diaries Two. To lay down her rights, so that she could do what was right for her country.

I wonder if I'm willing to sacrifice my life for the kingdom of God. We always say we do, but when the time comes, the within struggles.

Still, eyes upwards, on my Savior. Focus. Focus.

Hahahaha. So cryptic. This one blog only..... try getting your hands on my journal. It'll be a million times juicier.

Cambodia pictures on facebook

Back

We are back, safe and sound.

Cambodia was an eye opener.

Thank you all for your prayers. The trip wouldn't have been the way it was without your support.

Pictures and longer post later aite, have to get all the swirling thoughts down on paper first.

Documentary on Cambodia and the mission trip out soon...

Someone decided that he's going as well....

.....and when I tell him no... he flops down and makes himself even more comfortable


Maybe i'll smuggle him there...